Saturday, August 1, 2009 @ 11:04 PM

Hi.

Posting here yet again, after a long time.
Kinda needed a space to vent my thoughts out and this blog seems pretty dead and no one rarely checks this space out.
so here goes my rants.

I am pretty phucked up with life recently.
A lot has been happenings, and i don't know which's worse.
Problems after problems for me, i wonder how some doesn't care, marvels me somehow.
I know i have been pretty stressed up nowadays, because of exams, am really trying hard to improve myself, kind of have been getting sucky grades, like failing both a and e-math.
And i can say, i studied and tried my best for all the exams that i did.
And now that exams are over, i shouldn't be so stressed up but no, i just had to
Those stress hormones are taking over my other hormones, smth i learnt in biology.
No wonder they said stress make you fat ha ha ha.

So what is this that i am feeling? ):
I wanna be back to how i was again, my happiness and my confidence.
It simply sparked off with something, that led me thinking about it. and i am really starting to lose control.

I want things to be back to normal, to finally see the special gleam of happiness scrawled on my face and obvious with my smiles, not those fake and pretentious fronts i put up to make myself look happy.

I envy my sister, in a way or two.
She seems somehow carefree, doesn't need to go through the problems i go through.
I feel like breaking down, but this part of me remains strong and fierce while another part just seemed so vulnerable and weak.
I actually want to break down, to let everything out.
But will that solve my problems? tho, it might make me feel better.

I wanna be strong-willed girl, i already am but i wanna be more, want to be impenetrateable(?), bullet-proof.
Life's really sad.
):